Showing appreciation. It's easy and works wonders.

Last week, a friend of many people I know passed away. I didn’t know her personally but from reading all the lovely things that people were saying about her, you could tell that she was a well thought of lady.

The comments must have been such a comfort to her family, to know that she was so well-loved but I can’t help but wonder whether she herself knew how much she was loved.

Most of us think less of ourselves than we really are. We often notice our own faults and focus on them and not our good traits. What’s more, I would imagine that most of us think we’ve not made much of an imprint on the people that surround us.

However, it really doesn’t take much for us to help someone feel better about themselves and know that others think well of them.

Let me give you a personal example.

A few years ago I was chatting online to someone I’ve known for over 40 years. I can’t remember what the conversation was about but I do remember something he said.

The reason I remember it was because his sentence took my breath away. I felt humbled and was a comment I never expected and I never realised he thought that much of me.

The comment?

“There are some people I wouldn’t cross the road for. You are one I’d swim across a river to talk to.”

I don’t think I’ve ever had someone say anything as nice to me in my life.

21 words was all it took to make my day. In fact, even now I think about it and it makes me feel good.

Back at the end of 2016, I had a health scare that frightened the life out of me and it shook me to my core and made me think about life in a way that I hadn’t really before.

I looked back over my life and realised how I wouldn’t have made it to where I was without the love and support of so many people who’d over the years had done small things along the way that helped me.

And I realised that I ought to tell them how much I thought of them for the things they’d done for me.

And I’m not talking about massive things, just small kindnesses that had eased situations, things they probably didn’t even give a second thought to.

And so I started writing about them on social media where I knew they’d get to see them because I’m not very good at face to face stuff.

I have no problem writing something that I couldn’t say to them in person.

I’ve used Social Media to mention people and tell people about how these people have helped me, sometimes by doing something such as helping me mend an engine but more often things that were probably of no consequence to them.

An example being one man who when I was a teen, never looked down on me and whenever he saw me always stopped to have a chat. A small deed like that probably meant nothing to him, but for me it was huge.

Or another who always looked out for me when I was first married and trying to earn a living.

And another who, when I was a stranger amongst a lot of people as a teen, took me under his wing, mated up with me and introduced me to everyone.

So many things that were probably nothing to them meant the world to me and yet I never really thanked them for it.

So I decided that I would thank them publicly. I wanted others to know that these were good people.

And do you know what? It paid me back two-fold because not only did I get told how much what I’d said had meant to them, but it made me feel good doing it.

There’s always a reward in kindness.

However, so many people live their lives not realising the impact they’ve made on people.

And for me, it’s really nice to let someone know how much you appreciate them. It’s really a very small thing to do but it’s something not many people do.

And as someone who’s been on the end of one such comment, I can tell you hand on heart, it makes your week.

In fact, 2 years on, I still think of the comment I spoke about earlier. I never realised that I was that well thought of by someone.

Going back to what I started this piece talking about, wouldn’t it be nicer to tell someone how much they meant to you while they were alive to hear it?

I’ve made it something that’s become part of my life. Whenever I remember something that made an impression on me, I go on social media and talk about it.

But at the same time, you’re also welcome to do it when someone’s no longer with us.

I did it about one of the people I’ve mentioned above 6 or 7 years after he passed away and just did it as I wanted to mention him because of how important he was to me and within a few hours, I got a message from his wife saying she was so happy that I thought of him the way I do.

I really wish I’d done it when he was still with us.

And when you look around yourself in these times when we see so much discontent and hatred, don’t you agree that it’s nicer to share a bit of warmth around instead?

My advice is to try it. It really does make you a difference, to them and to you.

 

 

 

An example of kindness

We hear a lot about hatred, disagreement and so forth. Each day the media compounds that by reporting about the goings-on around the World, and slanting the reporting to make things worse.

They know that reporting scandal about religion, politics and race will keep you glued. They know that salacious reporting keeps people locked in. Good news never really plays so well.

And social media seems a hotbed for nastiness. People can hide behind their keyboards and say what they like and for the most part, they get away with it. This is why we see more and more ‘trolling’ across different platforms.

 Don’t get me wrong, anyone who knows me knows that I like to have a good rant; I use social media as a way of getting stuff off of my chest. I also find that what I write on social media also helps me clarify my thinking. And I’ve often found that as I’ve thought about what I’m writing, I find that my actual thinking is the opposite of what I started out to write. I then end up writing from a completely different perspective.

 But one thing I try never to do is to slag someone off, to knock someone down, the verbally pull them to pieces or abuse them. When someone does that, I think it says more about the person writing than it does about their victim.

 But the more and more you see it, the more you feel that the World is getting worse. Luckily, I don’t think that is really the case. I just think that kindness gets a bum rap.

 And that’s why today, I want to tell you about someone who I’ve only known for just over 10 years, but who has, during that time, shown me and Debz such great kindness.

 I met Bridget not long after I moved to Cambridge, we came together through our love of music, specifically soul music. We met at various Soul events in the area when I used to DJ.

I DJed at some of the events and was a supporter of others. Bridget used to help out as part of the Cambridge Soul Collective, taking money at events and helping out wherever she could.

I’m not really the most outgoing of people despite how I appear to people. However, I’m very forthright in my opinions, which doesn’t always ingratiate me to some people. But Bridget always seemed to support me when I was fighting my corner.

Back in 2013, we moved to Bar Hill and started bumping into Bridget in our local supermarket, where we’d end up having a chat.

And then, in November of 2106, my doctor found a lump on my kidney that was reported to be cancerous. It meant that I was fast-tracked into the hospital to have my kidney removed just before Christmas.

Knowing that I was the only driver and that it was going to be a problem for me to get to the hospital before 7am, Bridget got in touch and offered to take me to the hospital. I took her up on my offer and on the day I was due in, she delivered me on time.

And since then, whenever we’ve been faced with a situation, Bridget has always volunteered to help us. Can there be a better example of kindness?

And in those years since, she’s always been there for us as shown once again today.

Debz works for the British Heart Foundation and just before Christmas, spent time working in the back office with one of the volunteers who has now tested positive for Coronavirus. Obviously, as is the situation with Covid, social distancing had been observed and masks were worn.

Despite that, Debz was tested yesterday, and today she too received a positive result, which means we have to self-isolate until January 5^th.

I wrote a post on Facebook about it this morning and within minutes, Bridget had offered to do some shopping for us. Debz put a list together, and we messaged it across to Bridget.

Within an hour, Bridget delivered the shopping to our door!

And that, in a nutshell, is the perfect example of kindness.

Once again, she’s come up trumps for us. Bridget has shown us kindness for the umpteenth time. She’s never asked anything of us at any time and is always so willing to help. She put herself out for us yet again.

We are so grateful to have her in our lives. Of all the people we’ve met in Cambridge, she’s been the best of all. When I wrote about this on Facebook, other people who know her commented so well about her. All say how kind she is.

All I know is that Bridget has shown not only to us but others how kind she is. Many people are of the same opinion of her as we are. She’s a lovely, caring lady that we all appreciate.

I’m pretty sure that most of us would rather read stories about people like Bridget. She proves by her deeds that the World isn’t as bad as well all are led to believe.

It’s acts such as these that keep my faith in humanity intact. The World isn’t as bad as we are led to believe and won’t as long as there are people like Bridget who lead with kindness and integrity, there’s a chance for us all.

We’re grateful to have her as a friend and she’s an example for all of us to follow.

Kindness is still out there. It shows up mostly when you need it. We’re grateful to be a recipient. Hopefully, we’ll be able to pass it on to someone else once we’re out and about again.

 Thanks Bridget.

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