My Top 10s - Sunday night telly...

This week, I'm taking a trip back down memory lane to look at my favourite, 'Sunday Night TV programmes.'

However, many of them weren't on a Sunday at all! What I'm talking about are shows with that laid back feel that would ease you into a Sunday. Debz calls them 'Cake and Custard' shows if you know what we mean. Light-hearted dramas with comedy involved (with the exception of one which is just comedy).

These are shows that we've enjoyed over the years, so much so, that I've bought many of them on DVD so that we can rewatch whenever the mood takes us.

10) Death In Paradise

Set on the island of St Marie, the show has had a revolving cast over the years with each main character being a British detective leading the investigations of the local police. The detectives are, in their own way a little quirky, and each has brought a novel twist to the show. You can catch it now on the BBC, and the first eight series are available on Netflix in the UK.

9) Born and Bred

Based in the fictional village of Ormston in Lancashire in Lancashire, it follows the lived of the villagers, in particular the doctors, father and son team of Arthur and Tom Gilder (Played by James Bolam and David French). Maggie Steed, who played the role of pub landlady Phyllis Woolf, is also in one of the other shows on this list.

8) Kingdom

The series follows Peter Kingdom (Stephen Fry), a small-town solicitor whose work revolves around cases brought by the eclectic and eccentric populace of  Norfolk village Market Shipborough (fictional). Ably assisted by his sidekick, Lyle (Karl Davies) they go about sorting the problems of the village whilst also having to deal with his wayward sister Beatrice (Hermoine Norris). It's available to watch on the ROKU channel in the UK at the moment.

7) The Darling Buds Of May

Set in rural 1950s Kent, it follows the life of the Larkin family. It starred David Jason as "Pop" Larkin alongside Pam Ferris as "Ma" Larkin, with Catherine Zeta-Jones playing their eldest daughter Mariette, who marries tax inspector Cedric "Charley" Charlton, played by Philip Franks. 'Pop' is a farmer, who also a bit of a wheeler-dealer, flirtatious with ladies, and charming, good-hearted, but always on the lookout to keep the money flowing in. This is the programme that brought Catherine Zeta-Jones to most people's attention.

6) Last Of The Summer Wine

 Set and filmed in and around Holmfirth, West Yorkshire, England, and centred on a trio of old men and their youthful misadventures; the main three characters changed over the years but the ones we all think of as the best line up were 'Compo' (Bill Owen), 'Cleggy' (Peter Sallis) and 'Foggy' (Brian Wilde). The show ran from 1973 - 2010 and was a masterpiece of comedy. You can still see it on Britbox and it was recently showing on UKTV

5) Jonathan Creek

It stars Alan Davies as the title character, who works as a creative consultant to a stage magician while also solving seemingly supernatural mysteries through his talent for logical deduction and his understanding of illusions. Caroline Quentin was his first side-kick, but along the way, there have been four others. Series 1-5 are still available to watch on the BBC iplayer.

4) Pie In The Sky

Detective Inspector Henry Crabbe is a long-serving police officer in the fictional county of Westershire. Henry Crabbe, while still being an on-duty, "semi-retired" policeman (much against his will), is the head chef and owner of the title restaurant set in the town of Middleton which he runs alongside his wife who is played by Maggie Seed (also in 'Born & Bred'). The shows follow his investigations as well as his attempts to run the restaurant. The show can still be seen on UKTV.

3) Monarch Of The Glen

The first five series of Monarch of the Glen told the story of young restaurateur Archie MacDonald (Alastair Mackenzie,) trying to restore his childhood home in the Scottish Highlands, alongside  Richard Briers, Susan Hampshire, and Dawn Steele, whilst the final two series of the show focused on new Laird Paul Bowman trying to modernise the estate, primarily starring Lloyd Owen The show is based loosely on Sir Compton McKenzies 'Highland Novels' but set in the early 2000s as opposed to the 30s and 40s of the books.

2) Ballykissangel

Originally, the story revolved around a young English Roman Catholic priest, Peter Clifford (Stephen Tompkinson) as he became part of a rural community. It showed him trying to fit in with the local community but often hindered by  Father Macanally (Niall Tobin).  This show rated highly until both Tompkinson and bar owner Asssumpta Fitzgerald (Dervla Kirwan) left at the end of series 3. The show continued for three more series when it was ended, but the show at its best was a total joy to watch.

1) Lovejoy

I just loved this series. The series concerns the adventures of the Lovejoy (Ian McShane), a roguish antiques dealer based in East Anglia. Within the trade, he has a reputation as a "divvy", a person with almost unnatural powers of recognising exceptional items as well as distinguishing genuine antiques from fakes or forgeries. Assisted by Tinker (Dudley Sutton) and his ever so slightly dim, assistant, Eric (Chris Jury), they solved the mysteries. The show, like so many others, started to run out of steam when original cast members Phyllis Logan (Lady Jane) and Chris Jury left the show and were replaced by Daine Parish who played Lovejoy's new apprentice, Beth Taylor and Caroline Langrishe who played Charlotte Cavendish, the new lady in Lovejoy's life. The show is the epitome of what I call Sunday Night TV.

There are many other shows in this category that I could have chosen, but these are the ones that I loved. Let me know what show you thought should be in this line-up.

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The Music Of My Life 21

A favourite of mine, this record takes me back to when I used to go and stay with my sister after she'd got married.

My brother in law's dad used to travel a set of dodgems, and they used to open at Englefield Green, near Windsor.

I remember being there when this single was out, and it was the year actress Diana Dors (who lived close by) came on the ground one Saturday afternoon.

She had a ride on the dodgems and I spent the entire time bumping into her car and knocking her all around the track.

Being only 12 at the time, I didn't feel any embarrassment in going up to her and asking for her autograph afterwards,

I only wish I still had it, for I'll never forget what she wrote:

"To James who banged me 100 times! Love Diana Dors"

Happy days!

If video doesn't play, click here

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Continuing education works for me.

 I can’t say that I liked school much. There were so many other things I’d rather be doing. I didn’t like the teachers much. All they did was tell me to do stuff I didn’t really want to do, and the stuff I wanted to do, like talking to my friends, they wouldn’t let me do.

I didn't like the majority of the lessons. I hated maths – all I felt I needed to do was learn to count. For the life of me, I never thought I’d ever need algebra in my life, and to this day, I don’t think I’ve ever needed to use it.

The sciences did nothing for me – cutting up frogs wasn’t something I planned doing in later life. In fact, I didn’t want to cut up anyone! If I had plans on being a doctor, then yes it may have been of interest.  Blowing up the lab seemed like it could be fun – after all if we could do that, I wouldn’t have to do that again! The only thing I’ve ever been good at concocting is a decent cup of tea!

And as for physics! Too much like maths for me, although years later when I had a little set of chairs that went round too fast, I wished I’d understood about ratios in order to get the right sized flywheel to slow it down.

History was OK if the teacher wasn’t as bored as I was. I’d have loved Geography had it been all about places and not cumulous clouds and rock strata as well.

Sport was good though. As was Madamoiselle Rieg, our french teacher who was pretty good looking and sounded as sexy as hell when she spoke (at least to my 14 year old self she did).

And as for exams, I could never see the point – and still don’t.

It’s easy for someone to freeze up on the day, and it’s not so easy to cram for the tests. The purpose of exams to me, is to show that the student has a decent memory for data and that they can put it down on paper succinctly.

I still feel that people’s results should be down to the coursework completed during the course of the year. The teacher should be able to tell whether the student has pulled their weight in class over the year, should have a good idea of whether the student has understood and learnt the material covered. And if they aren’t able to recognize that, then perhaps they should be in another career.

I ended up leaving public school without any qualifications – I didn’t end up doing my ‘O’ levels because my Dad was ill at the time and instead of going to school to do the exams, at 16, I stayed at home and run the family business.

Therefore going by my official exam status, I’m bottom of the barrel and would struggle to get a job anywhere these days. That’s OK though, I don’t want one anyway. I’m happier working at my own things.

But here’s the funny thing.

I’m all for education. I’ve continued learning all my life. In fact this morning, I’ve signed up for a course to learn how the fundamentals of some software I recently bought and have been trying to teach myself how to use properly.

Given time, I think I could master it on my own, but I feel I can speed up the process by enrolling on a course that will show me many tips and techniques that I would take ages to find, and some that I never would.

Over the years, I’ve signed up to many courses. I did a website building course, I’ve gained an NVQ level 2 in I.T. and I’ve been learning Spanish online as well.

I read plenty of self improvement books, on all kinds of subjects. I read autobiographies and biographies. Whenever I get involved in anything, I buy books that will help me in that area.

As examples: When I was doing discos, I hunted down business books and books on promotion to help me put it on a firm footing. When I started doing radio, I bought books on technique, on how to use various pieces of equipment. I learned what it would take to run a station, how to set up playlists, how to format a show. I asked questions to well established presenters. I was open and willing to accept advice and critique.

I am constantly looking at ways to make me a better me. I’m always open to finding new ways of doing things.

I even signed up to an online course to learn to play a piano on a whim once. I’ve always liked the idea of playing piano like Fats Domino or even Russ Conway. I do love a bit of plinky-plonk. One day I’ll get around to it. I just need a piano!

So yes, I’m a great believer in education. But personally, I like to learn what I like to learn.

I was not a success, certificate-wise at school. The things I’ve learned in life that have been useful to me are pretty much things that weren’t available to me at the time.

I think it’s important that we all continue to educate ourselves. Life is an ongoing education in itself.

I found the most important part of schooling, preparing for those final exams, tedious. I was more interested in developing business skills, which I did at home, in our arcade. School didn’t set me up to develop the kind of business I was going into.

And because of that, I didn’t think it was right for me at the time. For me personally, I’ve found education better when it’s been about the things I had an interest in. Sadly, most of what I learned in school hasn’t been of much use to me as an adult.

The majority of things that have been important in my life were taught by my family and associates I’ve made along the way.

I can’t say having no qualifications has made my life more difficult. It wasn’t as if I was going to be a scientist, and investment banker or a vet.

The thing I learnt most at school was when I was boarding at Prior Park, and that was sticking up for myself and being independent. Although painful at the time, it’s helped me stand my ground in this world.

I will say though, that I wish I’d have paid more attention in English classes. It would make my writing more coherent that it is now!

Surprisingly, I have to say, one of the joys of my life is learning. I love the sense of achievement when I master something new.

So I can see quite plainly, that me and education are going to be together for a while to come.

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Failure is your friend

Whether you know it or not, failure is your friend...and your teacher. It’s a bold statement I know, but it’s true nevertheless.

I’ve got to admit for many years I didn’t think this was the case, but after a lifetime of trying and failing at many things, I’ve come to the realisation that failure has taught me far more in life than I ever thought it would.

The fact is that if you don’t fail, you’ll never win. And that’s because we’re not born brilliant at anything. Think about it, how many times have you seen a baby fall over in their quest to walk? I read recently that the average baby will fall over at least 40-50 times an hour in their attempts.

Babies don’t understand failure. They don’t fall over a couple of times and think to themselves, “Stuff this, I’ll just sit down from now on. This will never work!” They just keep getting up and trying until they succeed. And as parents, we’ll encourage them to keep trying.

And yet it’s after this time, that we start telling them "no". Usually, we try to stop them from doing things because we’re frightened of them hurting themselves, but that is the start of us passing on our fears to them and that’s when the start of the fear of failure begins to be transferred onto them.

And the more we hear it, the more we succumb to the thinking that failing is bad.

But to be honest, it’s not true. Failure is our friend. It’s when we fail at anything, if we’re willing to, we’ll learn from it and it will become a stepping stone to something else.

I’d bet money that people who are more successful than you have failed more than you. They’ll have stepped into the arena more than you. They’ll have had more failures, maybe not massive ones, but more none the less. And given hindsight, I’d even go so far as to say that failure is what makes life interesting.

Could you imagine if everything went right? You’d have to be covering the same ground over and over again because to move on you need to learn. And from my own personal experience, it’s in the moving on that mistakes happen.

Let me give you some examples from my life.

I failed my 11+ exam, so couldn’t go to the school my parents wanted me to go to. And rather than send me to our local Comprehensive school, I ended up going into the Public School system which I hated.

I was away from home from 14 years old, was extremely homesick, getting bullied and as a result, didn’t do as well as I could have done given my capabilities. On the flip side, I learned to stick up for myself, become not only resilient but independent as well.

Businesswise, since I’ve been an adult. I travelled on fairgrounds but ended up stopping after I’d worked all summer and the money we’d saved was spent during 6 weeks of poor business. I had no idea what I’d do next, I just knew I wouldn’t be doing that the following year.

Later, I developed an online travel business, Go2morrow.com from the ground up. With no knowledge of the travel industry but gut instinct, I decided to have a go. I taught myself how to build a website, went out of my comfort zone to approach many businesses about being part of my website, attended trade shows trying to share my business idea with various hotels, B&Bs, holiday camps etc, to get them to come on board. I did all of this and over the first few months of trading, I was getting in excess of 1,000000 hits per month on the site.

You would think that’s successful, but I failed to get others in to help and over the next 18 months, I became drowned under the amount of work I was doing and ended up losing the business because I couldn’t keep up,

I joined the Amway business and built a reasonable network business. I worked my socks off trying to help others all over the country develop theirs. However, before I’d got the business into a sustainable position, I was taken ill and didn’t work for 6 months, and because it wasn’t yet sustainable, the business dwindled without my input into it.

As I developed a radio career, my marriage fell apart. No-one’s fault but mine.

I started an online magazine, ‘Pure Grooves’, alongside my partner Debz. It was growing nicely but not bringing in enough money to pay its way and 11 months later we decided to call it a day.

And from 2016 when I had my cancer scare and lost my kidney, I panicked and decided that I needed to do something else. And over the next 3 years, I spent pretty much all of it trying to put together two more business plans, neither of which came through to fruition.

Is there enough failure there for you?

And I’m not ashamed to tell you that during all that failure, there’s been a whole load of pain, intense pain, but what’s come from that, and over a period of years, I’ve become mentally stronger.

For years, through so many of those businesses I’ve had, I had so much self-doubt. When each of those businesses closed, I beat myself up. I heard people say, “Told you so” and I knew people laughed about my misfortunes (because others came and told me what was being said).

The cancer scare however, changed everything – it freed me from fear and self-doubt. It enabled me. It made me realise how brave I’d been, how daring.

Sure I remember the pain of the situations. But I realised that pain is part of the process and that failure, although it temporarily demoralised me and wore me down, it never stopped me.

Because in the middle of the night, when I’d be awake re-running everything through my mind, over a period of time, I came to realise the lessons I’d learned could be useful in the next episode of my life.

And what’s more, as I’ve read more and more stories about successful people, I’ve found that they too have had their own situations much like mine. I’ve realised that for so many people, failure has been a stepping stone on their road to success.

I’ve heard story after story of the ‘overnight sensation’ who’d been at it for 10 years before they'd caught a break.

And are you aware that it took James Dyson, 5126 prototypes before he came up with the vacuum cleaner that we know of now? Or that Walt Disney went to 302 banks before he found one that was willing to take a chance on him? Or that it took Thomas Edison over 11,000 attempts to come up with the incandescent lightbulb?

Success doesn’t come easily.

I’ve had more failures than you can shake a stick at, and so have many others. I’m not saying that I'm a success, I’m still on my journey. However, the only ones who never fail are those that never try.

Those that rise in their lives fail often, whether it be in the workplace, pursuing a higher position, in their cause, or trying to build a business will fail. 

In our personal lives building a family and relationships, we’ll fail – maybe not drastically, but we’ll fail along the way.

What you have to remember is that we’re not born perfect. When we’re born, we know nothing and along the way we learn. And in the learning, we fail. Far more often than we’d like.

But once you realise that failure is your friend, once you understand that each little failure is a lesson, it really does give you freedom.

Obviously, not the freedom to just dive into everything willy nilly, but it gives you to freedom to give it a go whatever it is.

It may be that you need to take a deep breath and tell someone how you feel about them. It may be that you really want to start your own business but are scared that you don’t know enough. I can promise you, you'll never know enough to begin!

Whatever it is that deep-down you know you want to do or be, don’t let the fear of failure stop you. And don’t worry about getting things wrong. You could learn something far more valuable.

You can take a risk. Weigh up the pros and cons. Don’t worry about what people think. After all, it’s your life.

Be prepared. It’s not always going to be hunky-dory, but it’s not always going to be a misery either.

Yes, it’s good to be aware of the risks in regard to the things you want to do. But don’t let the fear of failure hold you back.

I’ve failed many times, but I’d rather that, than being laid on my deathbed wondering,  “What if?” I'd rather the fear of failure than the fear of regret.

Do your homework. Be aware that there’s risk in everything you do, but don’t let the fear of failure hold you back if there’s something you really want to achieve in your life.

Take that first step, get the ball rolling, and go for it. And remember....failure is your friend!

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The Music Of My Life 20

In 1990, I lost a lot of money and a business, and needed to start again. The only thing I had left was my record collection, and I made the decision to sell them on a market.

In 1991, I bought a stall and started buying and selling, using my own records as the initial stock.

Once I was known to the market traders, I started getting work painting signs for other traders.

I shared a big shed where I used to keep my market stock and I used to paint there on the days I wasn't doing markets.

The 'Portrait of Ella Fitzgerald' and Carly Simon's, My Romance' albums became my soundtrack to painting signs that year.

I must have played them over and over again. Here are some photos of my market stall and some of my signs painted that year.

And hear a couple of songs from those albums:

If you can't see the video, click here

If you can't see the video, click here

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It's the struggles that will make you strong

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you got everything you wanted out of this life? Wouldn’t it be grand if you got everything and had no problems? Wouldn’t it be wonderful?

No! It wouldn’t.

Just imagine you had so much money you’d never have to work again. What would you do? How many holidays could you go on one after the other until you got sick of living out of a suitcase?

If you had a massive house and plenty of land, would you want the aggravation of cleaning it all the time, and keeping the grounds in a fit state? No? Then you’d need staff. Then you’d have the problem of sorting them out all the time. On top of that, privacy would go out of the window and you’d have cleaners inside, getting in your way, you’d be interrupted by people asking questions about what you want doing.

And if you’ve got plenty of money, you’d need professionals to help you make the most of it and accountants to help sort your finances, unless you want to spend your time doing that.

Here’s the truth – even if you had it all, you’d still have problems. Just different ones.

No-one has a simple ride. Check out the celebrities who are followed around by paparazzi everywhere they go. Do you reckon they get sick of that?

How about all these rich sportsmen, whose homes get robbed when the criminals know that they’re not going to be at home?

Or the superstars who, when out in their lovely cars, get car-jacked? I remember the two footballers who were attacked by a gang who wanted to steal the car. I remember Michael McIntyre the comedian, getting held-up and having his expensive watch stolen from his wrist.

Yes, they get problems. Like I said, just different ones.

I suppose here’s the point I’m trying to make.

We all have problems, we all have losses. That’s just part of life.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to swap my problems and losses for anyone else’s. I’m not ready for any of theirs. I can barely sort out my own.

And that’s the thing I suppose. The losses and problems (or as I prefer to call them, situations) usually are either things we can fix fairly easily, or they’re ones that can stretch us and take us out of our comfort zones.

And I’ve found that at those times in my life, it’s the overcoming of the situations and losses that gave me the greatest satisfaction.

Years ago, a mentor of mine, Bill O’Brien said something that has always stayed with me.

“Iron doesn’t become steel until it’s been through the fire, and it’s the struggles that will make you strong.” How true is that?

When things are going along swimmingly, it’s lovely, but I’ve never learned anything of use to me in those times. Don’t get me wrong, it's lovely when it happens, but even when things going just fine, it can become a bit boring. Not that I’ve ever had too long a burst of success to get too bored.

I find that any success I’ve ever had has brought along with it, it’s own set of problems that have needed to be solved.

Don’t take what I'm saying the wrong way. I’m not putting forward the idea that we shouldn’t want the best we can get. I’m always looking to move on.

What I’m saying is that we should look at all our problems in a different way. Like you, I cuss and I moan when things go wrong and I personally have had many things that have been drastic enough to feel sorry for myself over.

Indeed, there’s been a few times when I’ve had a pity party with myself and laid the blame on others. And at the time, it has been down to others.

On one occasion, I did that for over five years, blaming someone else for my situation. And that may have been correct when it happened. But after a few days, I needed to grow up and take charge of the situation.

Because in playing the victim for all that time, I thought I was fighting my way forward, but I wasn’t. I was absolving my own responsibility for my future and doing nothing about it.

I remember, to this day when that lightbulb moment happened, when I realised I was acting like a child. It was then that I perceived that whilst my situation had been caused by someone else, my thinking had been holding me back, eating away at me, sucking the life out of me.

I recall thinking that I was sick and tired of it. Sick of blaming the person every day (especially since the person I was moaning about, probably slept well every night). The only people I was hurting was me and my family.

From that day on, I lifted my chin from the ground got going again, and started to face my challenges head-on, sorting them one by one.

My self-esteem went up each time I had a little win, and that held me in good stead for the next problem.

And those problems kept on coming. And one by one, as they were conquered, another one would come, each stretching me a little more.

But I’m here to tell you that those problems, challenges and losses are what have helped me grow. They’ve made me a stronger, more well-rounded, and a more capable man than I was.

It’s the challenges in life that you overcome that make it interesting.

Yes, I’d like to have plenty of money. Yes, I’d like to drive a better car. Yes, I’d like to live in a nicer home. And yes, I’d like to have more holidays.

And all of them would bring their challenges along the way. Some I’d win, some I’d lose. Because that's how life goes.

I want to leave you with a little story.

******

I was sitting at a bar in Bill's Gamblin' Hall in Las Vegas being plied with free tequila by a chirpy barmaid in return for losing inordinate amounts of money on a poker machine set into the bar top.

Free drink as long as your gambling is the deal. It's a deal I like because I always feel that one day, maybe this day, I'll luck out on the machine, will win money and end up toasted for free.

A fella sits down next to me. If a crumpled pack of Marlboro could talk, he'd have talked like this guy. A voice carved out of black oak, tar and Jack.

"Hey. You winnin'?" he says, as he pulls on a cigarette through squinting eyes. He's about 50 with a face that hadn't just been lived in it had been rented out to a meth lab before being repossessed and demolished to make way for a 12-lane highway.

"I guess I'm about even, when you take into account the drinks," I said, the stock reply of any Vegas gambler who is obviously losing money but in denial.

He laughed a short rasping laugh: "Yeah I hear ya. Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you, my friend."

He wasn't wrong, though I seemed to be all too regularly a light snack for the bears in this town.

 "I'd just like to sit down one day and have a machine that didn't hate me," I said, the tequila almost leaking out of my eyes by now.

 "Yeah, I hear ya, just once maybe."

  "....twice or three times would be better," I added as another twenty bit the dust.

 He stopped his game, lit another smoke and leaned back in his seat and looked at me.

"That is where you are wrong, my friend. The reason you're here, the real reason we're all here is because we lose, not because we win."

What was this guy, some sort of guru high plains drifter?

"You reckon? I don't get much fun out of losing."

"Course you don't. But if you won all the time that'd be no fun either. It's the losing that makes the winning so damn glorious, my friend. 

"It's all about the losing. I'm telling you, no-one would play a game they knew they couldn't lose. There's no life in that. And that's why we're here, me and you, just to make sure we're still alive...to try and feel something."

 As he spoke, the freakin' machine dropped a full house into my lap and with it the best part of three hundred dollars. I was back to where I'd been an hour ago, just like that.

 "See, how good would that have felt without that losing streak? Not nearly as sweet. I'm telling you, my friend, life is nothing without losing."

 

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A lottery win...not quite the big one...but a win's a win!

 It’s funny how you can be miserable one minute, but within a short while, the way you think can change your mood.

This morning, I got an email from the lottery telling me that I’d had a win.

I went to the website and checked to see how much. I’d won £6.20. I was happy with that as I rarely win anything and when I do it’s usually a lucky dip go.

The most I’ve ever won was £30 a few years ago.

So I thought I’d take a quick look to see how I’d done. I wished I hadn’t. I usually do two lines, one with the same numbers every week and the other, a lucky dip line

A quick look showed me that I’d had 6 different numbers. Had I got them all on the same line, I’d have won £154 million. You can imagine how gutted I was.

About an hour later, I thought I’d take another look – it’s funny how you sometimes need the blow to give you a double whammy to just confirm it.

It was on that second look that I realised that I was wrong. What I would have had was the five main numbers and one lucky star number, which meant I wouldn’t have won the jackpot, I would have in actual fact won £137, 339.50. All of a sudden, the pain didn’t seem so bad.

But then I decided to look at it another way.

I’d actually won £6.20, £3.10 on each line. I realised there were two good things about that.

1) I’ve never had two wins on the same day on the Lottery before.

2)  I was actually in front by £1.20. When I win a lucky dip, it’s only a free go, not actually a monetary win.

All of a sudden I’m happy again, because maybe, just maybe, they’re preparing me for a much bigger win.

I shall wait in expectation. 

Maybe not for today, maybe not tomorrow, but when it happens, I’ll be ready!

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What optimism can do for you.

 

Author, Tim Hansel said, “Pain is inevitable but misery is optional,” and from personal experience, I’ve found it to be true.

It’s really easy to let yourself get down. After all, we all go through enough situations that we can feel bad about.

A look around social media (which at the moment seems to be the way most of us communicate) shows it up.

People are bogged down with the situation we find ourselves in and share how they feel about the lockdown, racism, boredom, politics, religion and so much more. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with wave after wave of negativity.

Many people sadly can’t see any end to it, fear the future and see nothing to look forward to. Some people are revelling in the supposed bleakness of the situation and on a daily basis stir up discontent as if it’s their only reason to wake up. Their anger spreads like wildfire from reader to reader.

And it’s so easy to be swept along with the conspiracy theories that rage across different platforms.

But there is another way. It’s possible to view all of the things we are going through and treat them as what they are, situations we have to get through.

I’m not trying to belittle the situation. I’m fully aware of how serious it is. Like you, I’ve seen the amounts of people who’ve suffered illness and death and am just as aware of how mental health has been affected in so many ways.

But as I look at it and compare it with how people got through World War II, for example, I feel that we can be optimistic as we look forward.

Let’s face it, although there’s been this virus spreading around the World, if you’ve taken precautions and not put yourself at risk, there’s a good chance you’ll come through it OK.

I’ve not had to go to bed at night wondering whether a bombing raid will kill us as we sleep. When I’ve been out, I’ve not had to worry about standing on land mines. I’ve not gone to bed worrying that my sons are in a foreign country fighting against an enemy intent of killing them.

I’ve tried to put all that’s happened into perspective and compare it with how my Mum told me stories from the war when she was growing up.

Where we stand at this moment, I hear people going on about how they don’t trust the various injections being offered. I’m not a scientist, I don’t know how good they are, but on the other hand, when I’ve been ill and had to have treatments that have involved medication of any kind, I’ve not known about them either.

I’ve learned to take things on faith. Faith that the scientists have, to the best of their abilities tried and tested enough to get them available.

I’m not a 'head in the clouds' kind of person. After all, when my Mum was pregnant with me, she wanted to take the drug Thalidomide to help her through the sickness. Luckily for me, the doctor advised her against it as he didn’t feel it had been tested enough. I went to school with children that weren’t as lucky as me and I’ve seen first-hand, the effects of that particular drug, so I’m not blind to the worries.

But from what I’ve seen, the bad effects of the injections so far have been very few, which you can get with any drug. I know this because of the warnings I’ve had when I’ve been told about what would be used during an operation.

I’m optimistic enough to think that people far more knowledgeable than me feel that we can have the injections and I’d definitely have it when it’s available.

And another reason I’m optimistic, is that years ago, Spanish Flu killed many thousands, but the scientists found a way of combating it. And I’m sure they’ll do it this time too.

Just because I’m optimistic, it doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to the concerns. I just choose to look at the things that are happening at the moment in a way that allows me to feel better.

And that’s what optimism does for you. It allows you to see things in a brighter light. It lets you see the joy and not the despair, that light and not the dark.

It stops you from worrying and getting more and more depressed about the situation. After all, it’s been said that the majority of what we worry about in the first place never comes to pass.

I think of optimism as nature’s way of giving you new energy, a way to nurture yourself. It’s like putting on an armoured coat.

Over the last few months, I’ve looked for and found ways to help me stay optimistic. I’m not saying that I’ve come up with a way that’s 100% certain to cure your ills, I’m just saying that I’ve found a couple of ways that have helped me.

The first thing I did was cut back on the time I spend on social media. I’d been at the stage where instead of scrolling by, I’d read everything, and then get wound up by it all. And then I’d think about it and slowly, I’d feel worse and worse.

Then I’d reply to some of the comments, and sometimes, I’d delete my comment, because I just thought it would start an argument.

Not only that, but I think that if someone is so stuck in their opinion, that arguing with them isn’t going to change anything. People are allowed to have an opinion (no matter how people try and stop them), but you don’t have to try and convince them. It won’t work and you’ll just get angry.

What I’ve done is something I wished I’d done earlier – between 10am and 3pm, I turn off social media altogether. It means that I’m not checking it every 10 minutes of the day as I used to.

I’ve become more productive with my days as well because now I’ve got time I’d been wasting to do something else.

The other thing I’ve started to do is to read more. I know you’ll probably be thinking, “here he goes again, more rah-rah books!” – that’s not what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I find self-improvement books have helped me no end, and yes, I’m reading more of those, but I’m also reading others as well.

In the last month or so, I’ve read a David Baldacci, crime novel. I’ve just finished Captain Tom Moore’s autobiography and I’ve just started reading ‘Anne of Green Gables.’

Reading takes me to another place. If I’m reading a self-help book, I’m getting advice on specific things, getting a broader view. When reading an Autobiography, biography or a memoir, I see how other people have coped with their situations and moved on (which helps me feel that I can move on from my situations too) and a novel takes me to another world altogether. I think reading enriches our lives in so many ways.

And there are other things you can do to help be optimistic.

Listen to your favourite music. That will lift your spirits and make you feel better. Singing the words of your favourite songs will make you smile.

Go out for a walk. I never thought I’d hear myself say that! Even though I sometimes struggle and have to make myself get up and go, by the time I’ve come back I feel better, more refreshed and even more relaxed.

If you’re religious, think about your faith. Pray if it helps. I’m not a religious man, but I can see how it helps if you are. It hasn’t stopped me from reading spiritual books either. I’ve recently finished Matthieu Ricard’s book, ‘Happiness,’ He’s a Buddhist monk and he talks about his philosophies in it, and while I don’t agree with all he says, I found plenty that I could agree on. So I’m fully aware of how people’s spiritual side can nourish them when times are hard.

And the other thing, if you’re lucky enough, is to talk to kids. I’ve always found that talking to kids cheers me up. They see the world in a different way than us. They dream more, imagine more and I think, see more than we, as adults do.

And you can play with them. I’ve drunk more cups of non-existent tea than enough. I’ve laid on the floor building lego more times than I care to imagine and I’ve even eaten some disgusting things whilst playing with them too.

And each time I’ve interacted with them, I’ve been able to leave my cares and woes behind.

You can also learn or do something new – I started designing posters. I’ve bought new software and am learning how to use it. I can spend hours trying to do something new and each time I complete a new task, I feel good. There’s so much we can still do even though we’re stuck at home.

My advice, take the time to do things that cheer you up, that help you realise that this isn’t the end of the world. Times will get better.

Turn the news off! I’ve said this over and over again. They’ve got their own agendas. They want you glued to them. And you don’t have to – turning the news off lifts the mood immediately.

Let’s face it, people struggled in worse conditions than we’re in from 1939 to 1945. I understand that it’s boring. I understand that we’re unable to see out friends and family, I understand life is different.

But better times are coming, there are loads of things to look forward to and you too can be optimistic about the future.

Whilst this is a time unlike any other in my lifetime, there is still good to see now, and in times to come.

And like Tim Hansel said, “Pain is inevitable but misery is optional.” Choose optimism. Better times are coming.

 

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James' top 10s - School puddings

This time around, I thought I'd take us back on a little trip to see the school dinner lady in the 1960s and have a little look at my favourite school puddings.

I know a lot of people didn't like school dinners, but I loved them and the highlight were these puddings.

Here are my top 10, with my absolute favourite at number one.

10 Fruit Salad
Who could resist this? With evaporated milk poured over the top, it was a total delight.

9 Semolina and Strawberry Jam.
When was the last time you had this? 

8 Sago Pudding
Did you call it 'Frog Spawn' as well? Loads of people hated this, but not me!

7 Swiss Roll and Custard

Always a little treat, even better when it was Chocolate swiss roll with chocolate custard.

6 Cornflake Tart & Custard

or the other little gem, the Rice Crispie cake!

5 Jam & Coconut sponge with strawberry custard

Let's face it, any kind of sponge with strawberry custard was a winner!

4 Chocolate sponge and Mint Custard

A total delight - I loved mint custard and this always went down well!

3 Apple Crumble and custard

A classic loved by all.

2 Vanilla Sponge with a Hundreds and Thousands topping and Custard

Let's face it, hundreds and thousands were a bit special!

1 Sticky Toffee Pudding with Custard

Pure decadence. Always at the top of my wants list at school dinners.
And Mrs Champion, my favourite dinner lady always gave me two pieces!

I don't know about you, but I could still sit down and eat all of these. What was your favourite? Is it even on this list? Which puddings did I miss? Let me know.

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