I've been writing a book...

For years, people have been telling me that I should write a book about my life. They’ve read my Facebook recollections and think that my life has been interesting and that people would like to read about it.

At the beginning of this year, I decided that perhaps it was time to do it. I’ve just finished Chapter 13 and I’m at Boarding School.

But I haven’t enjoyed the process and I’m not ‘feeling’ what I’ve written. Yes, I’ve got the bare bones of the story down and to me it’s just drab and I can’t see why anyone would want to read it.

I also have parts of my life that are so personal to me that I don’t want to share them. The problem is, they are very important in explaining the person I am, they are integral to the story of my life. And yet, they were painful to live through and I certainly don’t want to talk about them publicly. And I can’t say I’m looking forward to telling my story and skipping over what were such important parts. Without them, it would change the essence of the story.

I’ve been sending each chapter to a close friend of mine to read as I’ve gone along. He was the first person who put forward the idea of me writing a book.

Yesterday, I wrote a Facebook post about parties we used to have in the shed when I was a teenager, and it led to my friend inboxing me and mentioning that he felt my Facebook writings felt different to the ones I’m writing in the book.

It got me thinking and questioning why they would be different. I think I know why.

When I started writing my story, I did loads of research. Asked relatives questions and started to put my story together. I’d go in the office and I’d start to write about a particular section of my story.

My Facebook writings come from a totally different place. I never spend time researching what I’m going to write.

More often than not, the ideas are sparked from a song on the radio. A song that takes me back to a certain time, a certain place, certain people or certain events that I’ve become emotionally invested in.

What I write on Facebook comes from the heart. Something has moved me enough that I want to write about it, to tell a story, to share some feelings. It’s altogether more personal.

I can wake up in the morning and half an hour later something has brought a story back to my memory or something I've thought about spurs me to write about it. A story that chokes me. A story that I need to tell. And so it just spills out. No effort, no researching. It’s all there at the forefront of my mind, fully formed and ready to tell. And I tell it as I see it. I'm not saying I'm right, it's just what I'm thinking at that given moment.

A glance down my Facebook timeline gives glimpses into my life, written with more feeling than I could write in a month of Sundays of going into the office and mechanically getting it down on paper.

I’m a heart on my sleeve kind of person. I write better when it’s coming from that part of me that cares enough to write about something. Anything else is just going through the motions.

It’s for that reason, I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to write the book.

I know people like the things I write. They tell me often enough. I love that my writing resonates with them, interests them and moves them enough to tell me so. And I’m really grateful for that.

I’m a sharer of memories and thoughts. Not an author.

I don’t feel comfortable writing in that way.

What I write on Social Media, either Facebook or in my blog, is something I need to say. It comes with my whole feeling.

And until I can write a book in the same way that I write my posts and blogs, I think I’m going to give it a miss.

If I can’t share my story in the way that I feel comes from the heart, then it’s not worth doing at all.

It’s just a waste of my time and would be a waste of yours because you wouldn’t be getting what you were expecting.

Therefore, it looks as though you’ll just have to put up with my writings on an ‘as and when’ basis. At least they’ll be from the heart, even if they do jump from one part of my life to another.

And what they’ll also be are my own thoughts, feelings and opinions that were strong enough that I felt they were worth sharing.

And that means it’s going to be ‘glimpses’ and 'flashbacks' from here on in. Just as it’s always been.

Thanks for reading. If you like this blog and want to read more, sign up for the weekly newsletter and feel free to invite your friends along to check out and bookmark the blog, because after all, the more, the merrier!