The problem with comparing yourself to others.

Sometimes, I look around at other people who are doing  what I do and realise that I’m nowhere close to so many of them in terms of talent.

Some, I’m better at what I do (at least I think, in terms of work quality), but they’re still more successful than I am.

And it can lead to hours of overthinking and beating myself up. Often asking the question, “What am I doing wrong?”

I’m beginning to believe that doing that never helps. All it seems to do is make things harder. It doesn’t aid creativity, it doesn’t aid confidence.

I was intrigued to read something the other day that made me think. I subscribe to writer James Clear’s* weekly newsletter and in it this week he was talking about this very subject. And he quoted Martha Graham, one of the most important dance choreographers of the 20^th Century,

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of the time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”

As James went on to expand, “Martha Graham’s advice takes this concept a step further by explaining that not only are you a bad judge of your own work, it is not your job to judge your own work. It is not your place to compare it to others. It is not your responsibility to figure out how valuable it is or how useful it can be. It is not your job to tell yourself, “No.”

Instead, your responsibility is to create. Your job is share what you have to offer from where you are right now.”

And it certainly made sense to me. Instead of beating myself up, it makes sense to just get involved in what I’m doing and enjoy the process.

I’m sure that then, the resultant work will be better because instead of second-guessing each step, trying to make sure I’m better than someone else, I can enjoy what I’m doing for its own sake, resulting in less stress.

I think that then, there will be an automatic improvement in what I do.

It reminds me that perhaps it’s time to once again pick up the book, ‘What To Say When You Talk To Yourself’ and follow some of it’s lessons.

After all, I talk to myself pretty much all day, as does everyone else. Each thought, each time I beat myself up when I tell myself I can’t, it just takes another little slither of self-confidence, which though it may not seem much at the time, will, over time, end up causing me to have so little self-confidence that I won’t try anything.

Luckily, I’m like a terrier. I keep snapping at the ankles of my situations and hate to give in. But the negativity keeps coming back.

And it’s why I read self-improvement books. They’re like a little boost of positivity that I can take whenever I need it.

It’s why I subscribe to newsletters of people that are moving on in life. I like to hear what they have to say.

We’re surrounded by negativity all the time. Just browsing Social Media will show you that. And it’s even worse when it’s us telling ourselves we can’t do something. When we’re beating ourselves over the head with defeatism.

It’s why I often delete people from Social Media; it’s why I constantly take a break from people. What's the point in enduring pessimism?

And when I read a positive book, it gives me the opportunity to take a break from me and listen to someone sharing their perspective on success. Not just of business, but in relationships too.

I was lucky to be raised and surrounded by people of good morals as I was growing up. Sadly, most of them have passed on and I find a lot of that same support in a book, or in a newsletter.

Don’t get me wrong, it may have taken a long time, but it took me until I was in my 50s before I realised that I like the person I’ve become. However, I am still a work in progress.

And I’ll leave you with this thought. 

If you are thinking to yourself, “Ah, but James, you’re no better off than me. You’re nothing to shout about.” Just imagine where I’d be if I didn’t get the input I get when I’m reading the positivity. Things could be a whole lot worse.

* You can find more about James Clear at JamesClear.com

 

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