It doesn’t matter that some people dislike you at the end of
the day. The problem is theirs, not yours. If people choose to believe lies
about you, that’s their problem, not yours.
I understand no-one likes being lied about. None of us does,
but you can’t stop that. There are always going to be people who for one reason
or another don’t like you.
It took me until I was in my late 30s to reach the point
where I had that ‘lightbulb’ moment.
A little bit of background. I was wronged and I lost a lot of
money through it, and it put me and my young family in a perilous position.
It took me around five or six years to recover from the
situation – 3-4 financially, but 5-6 mentally.
I was working outside on a cold day mulling over the events
that led up to what happened, and I was cussing and moaning to myself about the person who had been the cause of the situation, when all of a sudden, I
realised that, he may have been the cause, but I was the solution, not him.
While I seemed to spend all my days seething about it and
running it over and over in my head during the day, and night after night not
sleeping because of it, he was probably sleeping like a baby. Me beating myself
up had absolutely no effect on him.
It made me realise that I needed to draw a line in the sand and forget it and
move on as all it was doing was ruining my life. I was allowing myself to be
the victim and to stay one. I realised things would only change if I stopped beating
myself up over it day after day.
And just like that, I felt as though a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and
I was free to move on.
How does that apply to this situation? It was when I realised that I had the
choice of how I felt about any situation. I wasn’t in the wrong but I was
going through all the pain, over and over again. It dragged me down on a daily
basis.
It’s really only in your mind that you can keep dwelling
on it. And it's you who can stop taking notice of it and get on with your life caring about
the people in your life that matter.
The truth is that everyone sees us through different eyes.
No-one sees you the same way you do.
My Dad used to say ‘Those that mind, don’t matter and those that matter, don’t
mind.
I can go to bed each night knowing the truth about myself – I
know I haven’t tried to do anyone harm. I haven’t taken liberties with anyone.
I haven’t run down anyone’s reputation. And I’ve tried to do good. There’s
really not much more that I can say. I know who I am and I like me.
Whether others like me or not isn’t my problem.
People who tell lies about you are more likely than not,
envious or jealous of you for some reason. Otherwise, they wouldn’t tell lies
about you. And while they’re telling lies about you, it’s just wearing them
down. If you let it get to you, then they’ve got their desired outcome.
Try it. Start to think badly about someone – does it make you
feel better? Yes, you may get a second or two of comfort, but it won’t last.
I thought badly about someone for going on six years. It only
did harm to me. It didn’t change what had happened. But I did start moving on once
I stopped beating myself up every day, letting it affect me. Now, he doesn’t inhabit
my mind other than in passing. And when he does, I just move on.
Those that are telling lies about you know they’re lies.
Those that run you down aren’t feeling better for it deep down, not really. If
you let it get to you, then they’ve won, they’ve got what they wanted.
Negativity never makes you feel better. Worrying about their lies won’t make
you feel better.
If people choose to believe the lies, it doesn’t help the situation, but you, worrying about it won’t either.
I’ve never been one to take sides because someone else doesn’t
like someone.
I treat people the way I want to be treated. If someone else
has fallen out with a person, that’s their problem, not mine. As long as I get
on with that person, I’m not going to stop talking to them because someone else
has fallen out with them.
If I fell out with someone, that’s my problem, not yours. I
wouldn’t expect you to not talk to them.
There are always going to be envious and jealous people.
There are always going to be people who don’t like you.
Don’t worry about it. If you aren’t giving people reason to
dislike you, it really isn’t you that has the problem, it’s them.
Liars eventually get found out. Don’t let yourself feel bad
about it in the meantime, you’re better than that.
And the people who care about you already know that! And they're the one's who'll fight your corner.
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